The Zelda Rant:
Josh: It’s always the same! Link is in the village with a wooden sword! Go catch fish – Oh fucking hell! And they say 48 hours of gameplay, but they say that because it’s all the same! In the village, with a wooden sword!
All: … Catching fish.
Josh: Catching fish! And if you catch four hundred fish you get a metal sword. How the hell does that even work?! And you can’t leave the village until you have a metal sword. Does the gate have, like, a wood detector or something?! It doesn’t. Make. Sense!

“Wankknuckles!”
- George

“I would KILL to be that pretty… And you have testicles!”
- Emmaline

“Report a Graffidiot”
- Stupid Transperth sign

“If life is foreplay… Does that mean death is sex?”
- Meg commenting on an album name

“I can’t work it out… Either he’s playing tennis, or throwing a pineapple…”
- Meg, on the Hello Panda mascot

“Northbridge jokes! Like York jokes… But funnier!”
- Georgie comes up with another York joke, accidentally

“I don’t like wearing socks. My feet get claustrophobic…”
- Meg

“BREASTS! … … Sorry, there was just a … row of them…”
- Emmaline

“What is it, and why is it in my shirt?”
- Steph

“Holy fucking Jesus-shit on a stick!”
- Meg’s reaction to her mother’s latest menopausal moment

“It’s completely logic! Beacuse it’s Jesus shit, so it’s gotta be holy. And it’s on a stick so holy fuck!”
- Steph’s reaction to Meg’s reaction to her mother’s latest menopausal moment

“I can’t! I need my tongue to hold my lips together!”
- Emmaline

Rose: Why are you putting clothes on?
Meg: ‘Cause I’m stark-fucking-naked, obviously!
George: Oh the indecency!

“BREASTS! ^.^”
- Meg

Rose: See that disapproving look?
Steph: Mhm…
Rose: It’s really disapproving…
Steph: … Mhm…
Meg: *Continues to look disapproving*.

Meg: That one’s by Tokyopop…
Mo: Did you just say TofuPop?
Meg: Mmm, Tofu pop, om nom nom… Ew.

“She’s one of those people I want to take out with a fire hose…”
- Steph on Mrs. Pav

“I just find it amazing that the entire music video takes place in Jade’s crotch…”
- Meg on the ‘Girl’s Not Grey’ video

“Horses are very pus-y creatures, you know…”
- Emmaline

Emmaline: I called Aidan last night, but I was trying to scrub pus off my hands, and he was eating salad, so it was sort of a one-sided conversation.
Rose: Scrubbing pus and eating lettuce…

Steph: But why don’t they have an artificial penis…?
Emmaline: Because horses don’t need sex toys…
(A discussion on repro-vet work)

“I had a dream once… We were in a sex ed class… … Ans they decided that you learn best through experience…”
- Anon

Meg: *Flails* Where’s the stickytape?
Cara: Oh… You wanted that? … I got really hungry…
Liz: Tasty, tasty acid…

“*Cheerfully* Oh, you’re in excruciating pain? I’ll just make you pass out!”
- Steph

“*Walks up, horrified* … … There’s a used condom on the drinking fountain … … *Looks more horrified*”
- Steph

Rose: Join us, Meg.
Steph: We have cookies!
Meg: I don’t even like cookies!
Steph: … We have tofu cookies!

Mo: You know the Welsh word for ‘everything’?
Meg: You mean ‘arghalarahga’?
Rose: … WHAT?!

(On Steph’s ‘crew’)

Steph: Disaster in a Crew…. ‘DiC’…
Brad: You gotta love DiC now, Todd.

Brad: They’ve all been roped into loving DiC.
All: Wait, what?! *Dies laughing*

“Ahhh! She stabbed me in the HEAD with a WALLET!”
- Rose

Emi: It’s so strange, but I’m feeling strangely turned on…
George: It’s so satisfying!
Georgie: But if you do it for the full three minutes you get a stitch…

George: Stop crying!
Emi: Stop BONING on me!
All: *Die laughing*

“It’s a real ‘OH MY GOD I’M ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY AN ANGRY PINK ELEPHANT WITH LASER GUNS’ kinda thing…”
- Georgie on the word ‘schrei’

Meg: *Shakes head*
Georgie: *Melts under gaze*
Meg: Ohnoes! *Mops up Puddle-’O-Georgie-chan from the floor*
Georgie: *And puts in a carrier case*. It’s a Puddle-’O-Fun you can carry ANYWHERE!

“You do realise that if you kill Bevan, I’d have to kill you, then Kyle would kill me… Then he’d do the whole Romeo and Juliet thing”.
- Clara to Meg

Georgie: meet Bill Kaulitz. And his Hair.
Meg: HaHA! “Meet Bill’s Hair. I’m sure Bill is somewhere in there, too, though we haven’t seen him for six weeks…”
Georgie: Although we saw the end of Tom’s dreadlocks… But thought it would take too long to follow them to him…

“You think your singing is bad? I sound like a cat being flayed alive!”
- Emmaline

Georgie: Why is she accosting you?
Meg: I don’t know, I – I fucking hate socks!

“*Studystudy feskdace*”
- Georgie and Meg

“Coffee is liquefied misery!”
- George

“If you were a ham sandwich, and I ate you, explain the digestive processes…”
- Emi’s Human Biol Question

“Oh, it’s just Bri, our friendly neighborhood stalker!”
- Meg

Meg: Bananas turn up in the back of your P and L book…
Georgie: Everyone knows bananas turn up in the strangest of places! *Waggles eyebrows*

“I love cows, but I didn’t buy the cow calendar, because the cows were doing really strange things…”
- Emmaline, on calendar shopping

“*Sploosh*”
- Georgie and Meg’s sound effects: Meg being tackled by the Little Folksinger for listening to emo-music.

Elle: I need another organ…
Bri: She just… And… Wait, no, that was my mind…

“Stop fondling my facial features!”
- Bri to Declan

“It’s the Lit amoeba!”
- Steph on exam study seating arrangements.

“If I’m going to be American, at least give me a Cockney accent!”
- Fran

“… None of the words are listening…”
- Megan on a song not playing on her iPod.

Georgie: Steph, have you named your iPod?
Steph: Uh… Nooooo… But! I named my vacuum cleaner last night!

“We were just talking about people with dominant right-hand loaves of bread”.
- Bevan (interpreted by Meg)

“Mission ‘Banana Muffin’”.
- Sound track from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift.

The Naked Question:
“A group of 44 students were asked about papers they read. 13 said they read both Shout and Music Express…”
(This may not make much sense, but a few of us swear we saw the word ‘naked’ when we read this question for the first time)

“No, our Josh is still hairy!”
- Meg

“I don’t think anything has changed since we started this book… But the quotes have just gotten more sexual”.
- Meg

“I’ve just gone backwards… You do NOT poke someone in the nost who’s just gone backwards!”
- Bri to Meg

Georgie: The exam demons were lurking. Not anywhere specific… Just… Lurking…
Meg: Exam demons eh? All I can imagine is all the year elevens wandering around the school, occasionally dodging floating black shadows that lurk around corners =P.
Georgie: And swipe at you with vicious claws and chocolate muffins! *Swiped at*. Ohnoes! Teh muffin smear, it’s all over me!
Meg: Quick! Counter its attack with banana squash! *Fighting stance, bobs up and down ridiculously like a character from Final Fantasy*.
Georgie: Haha! It’s a critical hit! 236 damage. Battle won. *Twirls and holsters ridiculously long broad sword*. Phew, those randomly-appearing shadow-lurking offensive-muffin-wielding swipey-exam-demons are tough!

*George kicks Marc under the table*
“Oww! No pants on! That hurt even more!”
- Marc

“… I had a finger… Because I had a whale in my mouth.”
- Megan

“I’m going to put this bit of me in you and see what happens… Oh dear.”
- Emi, Cara, Liz on who created sex

“Much early sexual behaviour in adolescence involves trial and error”
- Year 11 Human Biol textbook

Story Time!
Lizzie’s friend Yoshi (Josh) was once a young and foolish boy who was at Taronga zoo in NSW. He and a friend decided that they both really really wanted pet meerkats. So, they each grabbed one from the enclosure and bolted. Sadly for these two, the guards did not take kindly to their antics, and they were both tackled to the ground. They now have life-long bans to the zoo. They were thirteen at the time.
- Lizzie. True story from Yoshi.

Georgie: Suki na iro was desu ka.
Meg: … I can’t decide whether you’re asking me what my favourite colour is… Or whether I like vegetables…

Nick: What do you mean by stock?
Meg: *Quizzical look*
Nick: Oh, okay. And then you just shove everything in, right?
Meg: *Headdesk*. I give up.

“The only thing the media textbooks are good for are as coasters!”
- Meg

“You need to bring a paper and a piece of pencil.”
- Mrs. Abbott. (Oh my god, she made a funny!)

“Have you ever thought about how wrong kissing really is? It’s like… Hey, that’s your food hole, and this is my food hole… Let’s put them together!”
- George

“*Completely randomly*. Guys, have you ever realised what a freaking weird word ‘muffin’ is?”
- Georgie

“We’ve got some pretty strange nicknames for out canteen food… ‘Hi, I’d like some Gay Milk and a Nipple Cake, please!’”
- Meg

“Plus some liquid cosmetics, please!”
- Fran